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This is a moving story of a service user’s unique life journey of triumph over adversity and her fight to be heard. The story involves sensitive material some readers may find disturbing. Interview and accompanying words by Darren Harvey
My life was never an easy one. When I was born, my mother and father were ill-equipped to raise children. Consequently, I was taken away by authorities to a foster home. It was a sad fact my other three siblings, born later, had to endure the same fate. At this time, I never had a voice. I was too young to express what I needed. I was labelled a problem child. My behaviour was erratic and difficult to manage through the chaos I was born into. The only way I could express myself was through anger and emotion.
When I was eight, I endured physical, mental and sexual abuse at the hands of my foster parents. This experience became the defining point in my life towards an inevitable path of self-destruction. Some 40 years later, I am still unable to process what happened in my head.
Luckily, authorities were alerted and removed me from that environment, placing me up for adoption. My adoptive parents were the ones who saved me. I quickly called them my mum and dad because of the love they gave me. They always told me the story of how they chose me. Originally, they wanted two sons but when they saw a photo of me, they saw in my eyes a window to my soul and knew from then onwards that I was their daughter. Despite a very happy, stable and loving childhood with them, I was unable to escape the demons of my past.
I blamed myself a lot of the time for what had happened to me in foster care and isolated myself from others as a way of protecting myself. If dad had known I was taking drugs, it would have broken his heart. However, I started taking heroin and crack cocaine as a way of coping with my mental health issues. The relationship I had with my partner was abusive and violent, culminating in me seeking refuge and becoming homeless. I became an alcoholic to dull the pain and make me forget my problems temporarily. As a result, my health and appearance declined to such a degree that I saw myself in the mirror one day knowing exactly where life was going to take me: to an early grave. It was then that I heard my inner voice telling me to snap out of it before it was too late and I became determined to change and love myself more. It was this pivotal moment in my life where I was being heard by my own voice.
In 2017, I entered a supportive accommodation project for people suffering from multiple mental health issues in Wolverhampton. From day one, I had a voice and staff listened to me. I felt reassured speaking to experienced staff members who had overcome similar struggles themselves. The accommodation project also employed a retired priest in the day centre who never preached, but listened, reassured and gave me hope.
The Solace Community has given me the chance of being heard. It has helped me address my anger issues through having someone there to talk to day or night, giving me self-belief. Over seven years, this has enabled me to move from the main hostel towards semi-independent living within the project, where life is the best it has ever been.
We often lack the confidence and self-esteem to communicate and be heard. But everyone residing in the hostel has a unique story to tell of their pain and struggles that has brought them to this point in their lives. It is important to talk about it and places like the Solace Community are there to support and successfully guide you into independent living.
In sharing my story with the Pavement readers, I would like it to inspire others to turn their bad life experiences into something positive. I never thought I could do it, but there is a support network out there for you that will listen, advise and help you.
Support
Jill’s story details struggles with substance abuse and trauma. If you have experienced similar difficulties and are looking for support, try these services.
- Drinkline is England’s national alcohol helpline. Call the free helpline on 0300 123 1110 weekdays 9am – 8pm, weekends 11am – 4pm
- With You provides a range of support for people with alcohol, drugs and mental health issues in Scotland through local services or online. Visit the website to find a service that suits you here: www.wearewithyou.org.uk/advice-and-information
- Refuge is a UK domestic abuse organisation for women. Contact for free, 24/7, on 0808 2000 247 in England, or call 0800 027 1234 in Scotland.
October – November 2024 : Change
CONTENTS
BACK ISSUES
- Issue 152 : October – November 2024 : Change
- Issue 151 : August – September 2024 : Being Heard
- Issue 150 : June – July 2024 : Reflections
- Issue 149 : April – May 2024 : Compassion
- Issue 148 : February – March 2024 : The little things
- Issue 147 : December 2023 – January 2024 : Next steps
- Issue 146 : October 2023 – November 2023 : Kind acts
- Issue 145 : August 2023 – September 2023 : Mental health
- Issue 144 : June 2023 – July 2023 : Community
- Issue 143 : April 2023 - May 2023 : Hope springs
- Issue 142 : February 2023 - March 2023 : New Beginnings
- Issue 141 : December 2022 - January 2023 : Winter Homeless
- Issue 140 : October - November 2022 : Resolve
- Issue 139 : August - September 2022 : Creativity
- Issue 138 : June - July 2022 : Practical advice
- Issue 137 : April - May 2022 : Connection
- Issue 136 : February - March 2022 : RESPECT
- Issue 135 : Dec 2021 - Jan 2022 : OPPORTUNITY
- Issue 134 : September-October 2021 : Losses and gains
- Issue 133 : July-August 2021 : Know Your Rights
- Issue 132 : May-June 2021 : Access to Healthcare
- Issue 131 : Mar-Apr 2021 : SOLUTIONS
- Issue 130 : Jan-Feb 2021 : CHANGE
- Issue 129 : Nov-Dec 2020 : UNBELIEVABLE
- Issue 128 : Sep-Oct 2020 : COPING
- Issue 127 : Jul-Aug 2020 : HOPE
- Issue 126 : Health & Wellbeing in a Crisis
- Issue 125 : Mar-Apr 2020 : MOVING ON
- Issue 124 : Jan-Feb 2020 : STREET FOOD
- Issue 123 : Nov-Dec 2019 : HOSTELS
- Issue 122 : Sep 2019 : DEATH ON THE STREETS
- Issue 121 : July-Aug 2019 : INVISIBLE YOUTH
- Issue 120 : May-June 2019 : RECOVERY
- Issue 119 : Mar-Apr 2019 : WELLBEING
- Issue 118 : Jan-Feb 2019 : WORKING HOMELESS
- Issue 117 : Nov-Dec 2018 : HER STORY
- Issue 116 : Sept-Oct 2018 : TOILET TALK
- Issue 115 : July-Aug 2018 : HIDDEN HOMELESS
- Issue 114 : May-Jun 2018 : REBUILD YOUR LIFE
- Issue 113 : Mar–Apr 2018 : REMEMBRANCE
- Issue 112 : Jan-Feb 2018
- Issue 111 : Nov-Dec 2017
- Issue 110 : Sept-Oct 2017
- Issue 109 : July-Aug 2017
- Issue 108 : Apr-May 2017
- Issue 107 : Feb-Mar 2017
- Issue 106 : Dec 2016 - Jan 2017
- Issue 105 : Oct-Nov 2016
- Issue 104 : Aug-Sept 2016
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- Issue 101 : Jan-Feb 2016
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- Issue 97 : May-Jun 2015
- Issue 96 : April 2015 [Mini Issue]
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- Issue 94 : February 2015
- Issue 93 : December 2014
- Issue 92 : November 2014
- Issue 91 : October 2014
- Issue 90 : September 2014
- Issue 89 : July 2014
- Issue 88 : June 2014
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- Issue 86 : April 2014
- Issue 85 : March 2014
- Issue 84 : February 2014
- Issue 83 : December 2013
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