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Room for growth

May 01 2025
© Natalie Peterson © Natalie Peterson

Vulnerability, perseverance and the ability to welcome support are all forms of resilience – an especially important lesson for men in these times, writes Leon Eckford

As men, it’s often perceived as our given right to be strong, brave, impulsive and resilient. Our genetics seem to push us towards these frontiers as providers. Rewinding time to our ancestral roots, that was what was expected. Our women would be around the fire, tending to the children, cooking, cleaning and awaiting our return with a speared animal ready for spit roasting. At least, that’s what we’re told. 

Fast forward to sitting at the dinner table with my grandparents. Although we had modern conveniences in the ‘90s, the roles seemed similar according to my youthful and somewhat naive perception. Marks and Spencer were usually the one’s spit roasting the animal whilst my grandmother snuck into the press to finish her Bacardi and Coke. Meanwhile my grandfather couldn’t wait to get back through to watch a newly installed cable TV set-up.  

Today, are the gender specifics so oriented by evolutionary psychology? A fundamental question arises: are we naturally inclined to fall into the classic male and female roles? And where does societal imprinting affect these roles and a more progressive and tolerant viewpoint? It’s interesting to grab some popcorn and watch on social media as the ideologies clash. 

Endurance is the cornerstone of our evolution. It’s the ability to adapt, to face adversity head-on and to emerge stronger. Think about the times you’ve faced personal challenges: whether it was losing a job, going through a breakup, or dealing with a health crisis. Each of these moments tested your strength and forced you to dig deep within yourself to find the courage to keep going. 

In modern society, men are sometimes expected to be the pillars of strength, the ones who don’t show vulnerability. This expectation can be both empowering and burdensome. On one hand, it drives men to achieve great things, to push through challenges and to be dependable. On the other hand, it can lead to a suppression of emotions, creating a facade of invulnerability. 

The pressure to conform to these societal expectations can have significant effects on male mental health. Men are less likely to seek help for mental health issues due to the stigma associated with appearing weak. This can lead to a buildup of stress, anxiety and depression. According to the World Health Organization, men are less likely to access mental health services compared to women, which can exacerbate these issues. 

Fortitude, however, is not just about enduring hardship; it’s about growing through it. It’s about recognising when to seek help and understanding that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength. Think about a friend or family member who has faced significant adversity and come out stronger on the other side. Their journey is a testament to the power of fortitude. 

Consider those who work in homelessness services, walking alongside trauma and the people who these organisations are supporting. Littered with adverse childhood experiences, sometimes the helper needs help, leaving those who are needing help still compromised. 

These experiences, whilst unfortunate, can forge an incredible strength and empathy. Working with individuals facing homelessness requires a deep well of fortitude. It involves confronting harsh realities daily yet finding the strength to offer support and hope. Those who have endured trauma and challenging upbringings often develop a profound understanding of suffering, which can make them more compassionate and resilient. 

You can’t have an easy life and a great character. It’s the trials and tribulations that forge our strength, much like the heat and pressure that create diamonds. The path we tread, with its ups and downs, shapes our character and fortitude. It’s not the journey or the destination, it’s who you become between these two points. In these moments of struggle we discover our true strength and capacity for growth. 

In conclusion, while societal expectations on men can be challenging, they also provide opportunities for growth and fortitude. By embracing vulnerability and seeking support, men can build stronger mental health and lead more fulfilling lives. Resilience is not just about enduring, it’s about thriving in the face of adversity.

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