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Surviving and thriving

August 01 2025

Traitors star Ash Bibi talks about her experience staying at a women’s refuge earlier in her life, the lessons she learned and her efforts to help vulnerable women today. Interview by Sophie Dianne

Ash Bibi is best known for donning a cape in the second season of the BBC’s The Traitors. But she’s now opening up about her childhood marked by violence and abuse. By recounting her traumatic experiences and eventual escape, she hopes to shine the light on critical issues surrounding domestic abuse that many women face today. I met with Ash and she shared her story of resilience. 


Talk me through your childhood, what was going on?

I’m the eldest of five kids. If you take into consideration the culture and the time, being the oldest and a girl played a big role in how my life was going to be. There was always violence. I do remember thinking, at as young as four or five, “I shouldn’t be here”. There was a mixture of stuff, including the violence and a lot of repression. I do remember back in those days, the 90s, there was a bit of an epidemic. There were loads of young Asian girls running away. I was even assigned a police officer when I did. I think I had a kind of resilience, I guess. There was this innate survival mode in me, that I was like “no, I can’t be here, this can’t be my life.” I felt like I was constantly scared. I was scared that my dad would just ship me off to Pakistan. You hear those stories. And I knew, even though I was a child, I needed to leave. Otherwise, how am I going to survive? How am I going to get out?


So you reached a breaking point? 

Yes, and my determination was “I’m going to have a life and I’m going to create a life for myself.” A life I want to live, my way. 


What can you tell us about your time at the refuge?

I don’t remember exactly how long I was in the refuge, but I do remember there was nobody of my ethnicity. In fact, in the refuge there was only one other girl close to my age. I think she was 19 and she was from Bradford. She was running away from her pimp. She thought people would judge her because she’d been a prostitute and I remember thinking nobody should judge her. I thought to myself “she’s nice,” and decided that I wanted to be her friend.


Are you still in contact with any of your siblings? 

I am now. When I first left home the school and the authorities helped me into the refuge and I tried to keep in contact. But I remember my Dad giving me an ultimatum: “you either come back home for good, or we don’t want to know you.” And I was just like, well, if that’s the way that you want it. Then I didn’t see my family for 14 years. I think the hardest thing for me was leaving my little sister, she was the youngest. She was five years old when I left. I think for a few years I really battled emotionally with that. I could have easily gone down a different path. When that kind of emotion and that kind of guilt build up, you want to turn to alcohol and drugs and that kind of stuff. But I also knew I wasn’t in the position to be able to look after her. It was hard.” 

What advice would you give your younger self? 

I think it would be practical stuff, like I wish I had finished school. I would also tell my younger self you don’t need anybody else’s love. You just need to love yourself. I think we take self-love for granted. 


Finally, what made you decide that now was the right time to share your story?

This is something I’ve been thinking about. I mentioned it to a friend, like 20 years ago. The reason why it came about now is because last year marked the 30th anniversary of me leaving home. And it was last year that two or three of my close friends, including my sister, said I should use my platform to help other women and girls. And I was like, yes! Especially as, right now, it’s a good time to talk about these types of things, because there’s increasing attention around violence against women and girls. I’m not working on anything yet but would like to help with charity projects. If I can do something to help even one girl, then that’s a really good thing. 

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