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Don't let em get you down

April 01 2026

The trials and tribulations of navigating unhelpful recovery systems. By Mat Amp

Over the past year I’ve been on a journey with my drug treatment centre that could, at the very minimum, be described as taxing. If I was being a little less charitable, I’d put it a bit more like this: The place where I get treated for my drug affliction [sic] is a massive pile of wank.  

To give you a bit of context, here’s a quick outline of what happened and the fucked up situation it has landed me in. I am in treatment for opiate addiction and for the past seven or eight years I have picked up my medication every two weeks.

For the year before that however, like every other addict, I was made to go to the chemist every day to pick up my meds and take them in front of the chemist.

The treatment industry started the idea of daily supervised pick-ups when it came to their attention that some people in treatment were occasionally selling their opiate substitute medication on the black market. Whilst I understand that it is illegal to do this, I don’t understand the need to apply a punitive sanction to everyone, effectively impacting people who are committed to recovery and have done nothing other than try and get better. To tell someone who is seeking treatment that they are not trustworthy is sending them a very negative message. Surely this is the very definition of stigmatising people.

We are offered zero trust from the outset and a system based on mistrust, that limits mobility and imposes constant doubt, is a system that is not conducive to recovery. In other words, treating everyone in a way that presupposes we are being dishonest, in a way that limits our mobility and fails to protect our confidentiality, is flawed and ineffective. Instead of treating patients in a holistic, person-centered way, rules are rigidly imposed on a foundation of cynicism so that genuine treatment becomes fueled by punishment and blame.

A quick reminder: if you get tested at a centre remember to ask them to send it to the lab. Instant urine tests are very unreliable, regularly creating false positives and hair tests are a total joke.

Anyways, about 15 months ago I got a new case worker who decided it was time to subject me to a random drug test. At that point I hadn’t been tested for seven years because my old case worker had been the real deal, using the rules as guidelines to support my treatment rather than orders to be followed at all costs.

Unfortunately for me, the test came back as positive for a strong opiate called Nitazine, which means that I won a daily visit to the chemist for what has been, as of March 2026, 15 long months. Even though I showed my case worker research proving that false positives were often created by these instant tests, she didn’t want to listen. Instead, she kept acting like I had insulted her by lying to her, with an attitude that said: “Well, you’ve brought this on yourself.”

And the really difficult thing now is that I’m kind of trapped by a rigid system that isn’t allowing me to submit three clean tests. One test I did came back positive for cocaine, despite the fact I stopped taking it ages ago when I realised it turns everyone into a giant animated bellend. I worked out that I’ve spent something like £700 on bus fares in the last year and wasted about 500 hours travelling just to get to that fucking chemist.  

Unfortunately, appeals to my new case worker fall on deaf ears because she thinks that all junkies are essentially dishonest, and would steal their mum’s telly and nick their mate’s kitten for a ten bag given half a chance.  

I’ve made three appointments to see the doctor to plead my case, but each time I’ve been made to wait for over an hour before being told to fuck off. Okay, they don’t exactly tell me to fuck off but the receptionist just says “oh the doctor is too busy to see you today.” Reminding her that it was the doctor who made the appointment is futile.

Faced with this sort of treatment, many addicts start to stigmatise themselves. It happened to me when I was homeless for several years and it wasn’t until I started doing stuff with the Pavement and working for Groundswell that I started to learn about a trauma-informed, holistic approach to healthcare based on respect. We don’t take this approach because it’s kind, we take it because it’s effective.  

When you have good people delivering bad treatment, the failure is systemic. A lack of understanding, created by a failure to reference the foundation of personal context, a habit of measuring people against principles etched in stone and ridiculous, fabricated expectations all go into making this bitter stew of institutional dysfunction.

Meanwhile, I’m soldiering on, trying not to let the resentment sink me. Writing this has certainly helped, so thank you for listening. Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

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April – May 2026 : Working together

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